Once upon a time, Gwyneth Paltrow dedicated a GOOP newsletter to the plight of the working mother. It’s some of the best comedy I’ve ever read. Even though it’s a bit old, I thought I’d revisit it for your amusement. You can read the original here. She interviews several “working moms”. I put that in quotes because a working mom with a six or seven digit income, a nanny and a house cleaner and a working mom who is trying to get by on less than $50 k a year might see things a bit differently.
Gwyn and her friends provide tips on managing life and family. They are a laugh riot. I would like to know how many of them you find helpful. Here are some of the highlights:
- Gwyn gives her kids flax oil in the morning. I would love to see what my kids would do if I gave them that. I mean, I would love to imagine what they’d do. I don’t want to actually experience it. I picture an Exorcist sort of scene with flying spittle.
- Gwyn claims her kids eat brown rice stir fry and sweet potatoes and one cupcake for dinner which leads me to believe GOOP is morphing into a comedy blog. My daughter, who is a known freak when it comes to food, might eat a sweet potato. My son is a strict adherent to the Beige Diet. He makes exceptions only in the case of cupcakes, in which case he demands at least two (I don’t always give in but I have).
- Juliet de Baubigny, a friend of Gwyn’s who is interviewed in the article, lists some helpful referrals for getting your resort wear in order. As a mother, I can tell you that it is a real bitch to get your resort wear together. I have been looking for tips.
- Juliet also recommends get a weekly “blow out” at a salon because it’s a real time saver. This sort of tickled me because it reminded me of how my grandmother got her hair “done” every week. I pictured old ladies with curlers under hair dryers. I would also like to point out that salons usually charge for this sort of thing but I’m sure you have all sorts of room in your budget for a weekly primp at the salon.
- Juliet also praises the benefits of a personal assistant, which has always been a dream of mine. I would LOVE to have a personal assistant. I fantasize about it all the time. Unfortunately, personal assistants charge unreasonable rates. Some expect to make as much as minimum wage and want weekends off and I can’t support this kind of greediness.
- It’s very motivating to have a trainer come to your house as opposed to just going to the gym yourself. It’s also easier to have your food delivered, have your tailor come to your house, get makeup lessons from a professional makeup artist, and consolidate all your spa appointments. Why doesn’t everyone do this? Morons.
- Stella McCartney’s life actually sounded appropriately hectic so I don’t have anything to mock there. I guess she’s earning her keep.
- Gwyn yaks a lot about fittings, voice lessons and interviews, none of which I have any experience with or knowledge about.
I did not see any mention of the things most moms I know typically talk about, which often include:
- Finding daycare arrangements that do not completely negate your salary.
- Managing the almost constant illnesses small children have without getting yourself fired.
- Staying awake at work with 4 hours of sleep that were broken up into 45 minute intervals.
- Working in sex more than once a year.
- Convincing children to eat something besides processed chicken and macaroni and cheese.
- Managing the secret shame of buying your children Happy Meals.
- Preventing the house from being covered completely in Goldfish crackers.
- Pretending to be interested in a story you’ve heard 432 times.
- Finding a babysitter that will not cook and eat the children.
- Hiding your bottle o’vino per evening habit from the kiddos as long as possible.
- Managing not to step on the f****ing Lego’s because it hurts like hell.
Photo via Google.