Tracy Anderson is Gwenyth Paltrow’s trainer so you know right off the bat that she’s probably insufferable. Now she’s taken on Kim Kardashian, which, whatever, I wish I could afford to hire a trainer.

Here’s one of her classic quotes:

“I’ve seen so many women who come to me right after (having children) with disaster bodies that have gone through hell, or they come to me years later and say, ‘Oh, my body is like this because I had three kids.’”

Oh, these whiny women. “My body is like this because I had three kids.” What they forgot to add is the following statements:

  • “Our household income didn’t multiply with each kid so I’ve taken to eating on a budget which means I never buy free-range organic fish and vegetables. I make do with what is on sale.” I know what you’re thinking Tracy: SLACKER.
  • “I don’t have time to workout because I have to work and I don’t have anyone to watch the kids while I go to the gym.” Excuses, excuses.
  • “I stay at home with the kids and I don’t get to workout because I am constantly trying to make ends meet and keep the children from destroying the house.” Again, more whiny excuses.
  • I am about to freak out because I only get 3 hours of sleep a night.” What does this have to do with anything? Sleep doesn’t burn calories. Go to the gym and power through it.
  • “I have been struggling with depression.” Maybe that’s because you don’t measure up to Tracy’s standards. Try a fitness bootcamp powered by a power cleanse. You’ll snap out of it.

What is wrong with women? Why don’t they get their fat, lazy butts to the gym? Or hire a personal trainer? They can cost as little as $50 a month. All you have to do is cut out your heating budget, which is making you lazy anyway, and get your priorities straight.

I love any advice that comes around via a friend of Gwynnies. You know it will be so realistic and applicable to the average woman.

Original source for quotes: Dlisted.

Photo via Flickr.

Christa T. Palmer (265 Posts)

Christa T. Palmer is a mother of 2 small children who lives in Colorado. She worked in the corporate world for more than a decade, but she was laid off the day after returning from maternity leave. Since then, she has worked as a freelance writer.