A school in Indiana is considering a petition lead by this nut job to setup segregated proms for gay kids. Story by Dan Savage. Diana’s email. provided by Dan in his column, is rejecting letters so I’d like to post my reply to her here. (more…)
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NotSoDeepSouth
Reparative Therapy Conversation AKA I Almost Stabbed Her With My Fork
Life’s funny isn’t it? I was sitting in a meeting last night and I realized that across the room from me was this chick I almost stabbed in the throat with a fork. No, she was never in any mortal peril for I have quite a bit of physical self control. What comes out of my mouth is another story. But the idea of opening her up a side mouth occurred to me later. What was it that could make me contemplate such an act? I’ll tell you – it was the suggestion of Reparative Therapy. Never a good dinner topic if you have me over. (more…)
Adoption Paperwork and Progress
It was a mixed bag of emotions in late 2012 when I emailed our contact at the agency and said “We’re all ready to focus on our application now that we’ve returned from getting married in Massachusetts.” After a bit of a delay, (there’s always a delay, what is that?) we received a hearty congratulations but also the news that this agency has a policy requiring a one year delay after any major life change such as getting married. (more…)
Saving Money for Adoption Sucks
You wouldn’t know it to look at my credit card statements, but this year Mr. and Mr. Claus were on a budget. The reason: Procreation isn’t cheap when you don’t bring a uterus to the table. I’ve been a little “Bah Humbug” since about late November. The truth is that adoption and surrogacy aren’t cheap you guys, and I’m bummed over the lack of progress we’ve made on our savings. I keep reminding my straight guy friends that they are “on the supply side of babies” and should get out there and make something happen! (more…)
A Review of Oddly Normal by John Schwartz
John Schwartz has written an informative and honest record
Is Laughter Nature or Nurture?
I was concerned I wouldn’t recognize Jordan during her recent performance of Oklahoma, having only met her once and having never spent any time talking to her. I have however spent a good deal of time with her father my friend and yoga instructor. I’ve driven with him to Arkansas for a weekend retreat on the eve of my wedding. I’ve spent four or five hours a week with him laughing and enjoying the unity and kinship that yoga can foster. Still, I didn’t expect the moment when, while delivering a campy rendition of the role of Gurdy, Jordan let out a horrible – almost honking – laughter. I knew immediately where I had heard it before. (more…)
An Interview With an Adoptee at Age 35
At the age of 35, two friends take a look at adoption. One of them looking forward and the other one looking back. Commenter EveryAlchemist has joined us and agreed to allow me to post our “conversation” about his origins as an adopted child.
Will Grandpa Accept an Adopted Grandchild?
Grandparenthood comes as a shock
Growing up I knew that I was my Dad’s only hope to carry on our family name. Genealogy is very important to my dad. He’s spent countless hours tracing our lineage and this well before ancestry.com came along. My dad knows that a card catalog isn’t just trendy living room furniture. He’s also known since I came out (again) at 20 that he wasn’t going to have any grandchildren by me. (more…)
Another Federal Appeals Court Decides In Favor of Gay Marriage
It is not always easy to sit here in Texas, watching as the rest of the world makes civil progress while we here in the Lone Star State have Rick Perry. Still, there are moments when a headline gives me hope for our collective future. So the question is, does this mornings news that a Federal appeals court in New York ruling against the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) mean anything here in Texas? (more…)
It Seems We Will Be Needing One of Those Awful Adoption Profiles
Recently things have taken a shift in direction. We were working on becoming foster parents, but more and more my husband has been talking about bringing home a baby. Now he’s talking about traditional or open adoption. The cost bothers me, but I can deal with it. What really irks me is thinking that I’m going to have to create one of those cookie cutter dear birth-mother websites.
Now I’m not knocking open adoption, I rather like the idea actually. I think it’s amazing to consider that somewhere there is, in theory, a girl or a woman that will one day be a part of my family. I just think that’s awesome. The universe or God or whatever has us right now, on some path that will eventually cross and then link up. Forevs. But let me not get too deep into 42 and all that. (more…)
QOTW: What’s That You’re Reading?
Who knows which sells more: books on parenting
Your Child’s Self-Esteem
I suppose none of us should expect to find a book that we completely agree with in all respects, unless we write it ourselves. Even then, there will always be something new to read. (more…)
The Perks of Being a Bedwetter
I’m kidding of course, there weren’t any perks. Not when I was doing it anyway, which was roughly from whenever they took me out of diapers up until Jr. High. That’s right, Jr. High. It was a long road.
Here are a few possible reasons for bed wetting:
- Desire for attention or emotional problems.
- Lack of bladder size or some other physical abnormality.
- Inability to wake oneself from a deep sleep in time. (more…)
Where’s Mommy and Other Sticky Questions for Gay Adopters
We don’t even have a baby yet and I’m already flinching against this question. I first heard of it from reading some of Dan Savage’s books on becoming a dad. It’s a seemingly harmless question that people ask of babies in strollers. It’s only natural, I would guess, for one to think it. After all, where there’s smoke there is bound to be fire, most of the time. But wouldn’t it be offensive to you if I asked your special snowflake and where’s your other Daddy?”
Yesterday a friend that has already adopted sent us a message on Facebook. Their adoption case worker had asked them if they knew of a home for a two week old African American baby. Our friends, not realizing we hadn’t completed our home study yet, and are therefore not in the position to accept a ‘placement’, thought of us. This is great news. It means our “network” is already working for us. Even though it wasn’t yet time for us to accept a baby, it was a good time to be talking things through. We basically just had a pregnancy scare. It was bound to happen with us skipping so many periods. (more…)
Suggested Reading for Gay Dads
Becoming a dad as a gay man is not an overnight process. Some reading may help you make sense of the various options, to learn the limitations, and also simply to pass the time. This is a very short list of published works that I’ve read on the topic. There’s also plenty to read online including the rest of CrassParenting.com. Here’s some suggested reading. (more…)
How Your Crummy Childhood Can Work Out OK
Reflecting on some of the heavier pieces I’ve written, one might get the impression that NotSoDeepSouth is a trembling pile of human wreckage. Nothing could be further from the truth. I hardly tremble at all. But seriously, here’s a sample of stories I’ve contributed:
How Did I Get This Scar?
How I Dropped out of High School and into a Cult
Growing up with ADHD
My Experience with “Reparative Therapy”
In The Wake of Sexual Abuse
My analyst likes to tell me that any one of these events would be enough to keep us talking for a good while but all of them together makes it seem like a minor miracle that I’m still alive. I recall staring at her blankly when she said this. What does one say to that? (more…)
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